The Birth Story

Day 1 The Appointment

I went in to see the Dr for a regular check up on Thurs. Right away they noticed my blood pressure was high. Because of my history and the fact there was also some protein in my urine again the Dr wanted me to go on a 24 hr watch at the hospital. Right away I was optimistic. I wasn't swollen, no headaches or pains, and the Dr even said I could go home for a couple hours first if needed, which with Michelle they put me in a wheel chair and ran me over to the hospital where they hooked me up to 5 machines and delivered me via emergency c shortly after.

So right away I felt great, no worries. In fact after hooking me up to just an IV block (which yes, I almost lost it...hate ivs!) they took my blood pressure and it already started going way down. It kept going down and finally in the later afternoon they switched my rooms expecting me to go home the next morning. They collected all my urine for 24 hr, but again I felt no fear. Ben came but got to go back to work, my mom hung out.

A specialist did come to visit and did an US which showed that the baby's growth was stressed due to the illness. She said we would definitely deliver the week of Christmas. So we planned on that again. She ordered a steroid which they jab into your hip and its totally unbearable! But it was just in case I got worse so that the baby's lungs could mature. My urine test was going to be done by noon the next day, but since I needed a 2nd steroid shot 24 hrs apart, that meant I needed to stay an extra 10 hrs which I was annoyed about, since I could've been seen way earlier.

Day 2 - What the?
The next day I was still positive, I decided to take this and learn to prepare for whatever was to come. But sadly the nurse came in and told me that there was over 5 grams of protein in my urine, so the Dr decided she wanted to deliver. I was surprised, but quickly decided to just roll with it. We've done this before! So mom called Ben, and the nurse moved me back to Labor and Delivery.

Ok sad thing is Ben shows up and my mom is in the room and I tell them to just call just close family. Mom calls my sister to bring Michelle to me, Ben calls his mom and grandma. All the sudden I get this nurse who tells me. "Ok all lights off, close your eyes, no tv no talking no visitors, then she looks at my mom and Ben and says "no texting, no talking to her, she needs to sleep or pretend like shes asleep." Right away I start to tear up, and surprise surprise my blood pressure goes up. When she left the room I was like no way! no way! You can't TELL me what to do! When my Dr came in I asked her if those things were off limits and she told me they were no problem! How can someone tell me my daughter can't come see me!? Especially when I'm about to undergo something that could be dangerous?? I hate bad nurses!!

We were surprised to find that instead of 11:30, they pushed my c-section to just after 9! I felt very confident the whole time, but suddenly they gave me some medication and hooked me up to magnesium (spelling? dunno its for blood pressure)and everything else, catheter, leg sleeves, blood pressure cuff set to go off every 5 min. Anyway, suddenly I started to have a panic attack. I don't know how to explain, I just started shacking really hard, my family was whispering but it bothered me to the extreme! I buried my head in my pillow and had these really scary thoughts! I literally was like "Ok I need to leave the hospital, lets see I just need to unhook a couple cords and just...well run!" I saw myself running out of the hospital in nothing but my gown, barefoot in the freezing cold! And I was ok with that plan, I really thought I was going to go through with it! I also thought of getting caught and just telling the Dr "I'm sorry I can't, you can't make me!" and thought it would sound fine! The one thing that kept me from going crazy was the reality that kept checking in that told me leaving would probably kill me and the baby. They got me in the OR, were I was still shacking and clutching a pillow. I didn't mind the spinal too much again, and the numbing calmed me some what.

The c-section went as well as it could. It feels like I lifetime before you hear the baby! When I heard her it was amazing! Ben and I both teared up! She had a good set of lungs! Ben got to go over and watch her wash up and he got to hold her! Something that didn't happen the last time. She has tons of hair for being so small and had a paler skin tone then Shelly. Ben got to go leave with her too to get settled in the NICU, that became the longest wait ever! While I was laying there I started getting the chatters, normal reaction I had it last time too. But it just made me more nervous I had no one to distract me from the fact I was getting sewed up. I heard the nurses discuss how sick the placenta was! The Dr started explaining to all of them how it was a classic case of sever preeclampsia and went into full detail of the illness. It actually helped listening, especially verifying it was nothing I did that caused it and nothing to do to prevent it. It stinks that it was happening again!

In recovery, I got my blessed ice chips and visits from Ben, my mom, my sister Sara, then Dad. All of them were calming to me I was happy to have them there. I dreaded the healing process that was to come. I actually slept well that night with Ben close by. They had me pretty drugged I guess cause I even got on my side to sleep with no pain! My blood pressure started going down quickly which is a blessing. The cure for preeclampsia is delivering the baby, but last time that wasn't the case and I was still at very high risk after Michelle for days. But luckily this time it looked like I was getting better!

Day 3 - Day of Rest
The next day I needed to stay on the blood pressure medication. It had to be a full 24 hrs on it before I could get up and see the baby or anything. This time I stayed calm knowing at least the time I could see my baby which would be 10 that night. So the whole day Ben and I watched holiday films, and I slept and slept. My blood pressure was near perfect and my stress way down. Around 9pm my nurse came in and already started giving me a cart to load my stuff for the next room, we had my Drs ok for taking me off the meds it was looking good. Around 10 a different nurse came in that seemed to have no idea what was going on, she said she was filling in for my nurse for a second. She took me off the IV medication, and removed the catheter. She had me sit up and said my nurse would be right back in with a wheel chair ready to move me and at which I could just go straight to see my baby.

Day 4 - Stay Strong!
An hour went by and no one came, no one responded. Finally the same weird nurse came back and apologized saying that my nurse wanted to finish watching the football game which she felt was wrong. Uh yeah!! I didn't know what was going on, I just wanted to get out. She took me to my other room which 2 nurses had no idea who I was because my chart never brought over. They wanted me to get up and lay down in bed again which I said no, I need to be with my baby. Besides it hurt so much being that it was the first time I moved since the surgery and had been in bed all night and day at that point. They took my blood pressure and surprise surprise it was high so they told me I had no choice and that I needed to get back in bed. I felt the tears starting to form, I had been sitting up for an hour after being forgotten about, and now I'm getting this upsetting news, no one can get a hold of my Dr, so I'm in their stupid hands. I decided to call my mom and have her come asap. Ben was wearing down fast also stricken with stress. With her there I could stay distracted. She came right away with a whole set of Christmas movies in hand, oh yeah and snacks. No tears were spilt, I did what they asked. They gave me an ocean of excuses to what happened, like "Oh a new baby is being addmited in the NICU so no one could show you around." (Well we don't need to be shown around, and that never prevents parents from going in it has nothing to do with our baby) a few minutes later "Oh well they just fed her so you couldn't hold her." (Ok but I could care less I JUST WANT TO BE THERE FOR MY BABY!!!!) Ugh they messed up and I will never forget it, but at the time I decided to put those aside instead of freaking out, that would just make things worse. But I have since complained about that issue!

After an hour the pressure went way down. I refused to sleep since I had slept all day. So they gave me the option to go see the baby around 4am. Uh yeah!
Seeing her gave me Daja vu big time! She is so much like Michelle, except to us a baby starting at almost 4 lbs looked huge! LOL She looked at me right away and turned her head to follow my voice. When they handed her to me I held her close to my chest, the forced separation this illness provides is the hardest trial for me, and this was happening for the 2nd time. I don't like loosing any time, I want to be there, to be involved in everything. She leans into my chest I can tell she feels comfort and a sense of familiarity, her little twitches are exact feelings of her kicks that were with only me a couple days before. I sang to her, rocked her, fed her, loved her. We needed to keep the visit short in the beginning because they still like darkness and extreme warmth during this time. But that was a good start for me!

I slept very peacefully that night, full of warmth and purpose.

Day 5 - Patience is Key!
I spent the day visiting the baby and sleeping. My blood pressure went back up, so they needed to up my dose and told me to stay another day. I was sad again, but whatever I just need to take it one day at a time. So I made the most of it and had Michelle come up with my mom and a couple bags of Christmas craft materials from Hobby Lobby. Shell and I decorated stocking for both she and Scarlett, we made snowmen and gingerbread men. We watched Christmas specials and I got many kisses from my first princess.

Day 6 - Home
My Dr woke me saying everything looked fine and that I could go home asap! So here I am today home feeling good and confident! I've healed a lot faster it seems, or at least I feel. Every day I'll go back to the hospital to see the baby and will keep her progress up to date!

Side notes, Ben was amazing the whole time. He held my hand and fed me constant words of comfort. He didn't boss me around which was a mistake last time. He understood my sorrows but kept me strong instead of breaking down. He ran errands for me and in return I let him take a couple breaks for himself. One funny episode happened that is our big joke of the stay. He came home after a 2 hr "refresh" and entered the room with a little Nordstrom bag! I freaked and was like "Ben! Oh my! What is that?" Then he looked up at me confused and said "Uh my shaving stuff, and bath stuff..." I instantly started tearing up and laughing at the same time. My mom and sister were there and also started laughing. He didn't get it and I was like "Why out of all bags would you bring that one to bring your stuff in??" LOL He was like "Oh crap! Uh...I have meant to get you something, but um...I..." LOL I felt stung!! A couple nights later however he asked to hang out with a friend for an hour, I told him no problem. Well when he came back he had a HUGE nordstorm bag in hand that contained a special addition of Clue a favorite board game of ours that was perfect since it was a limited addition Juicy Couture theme! LOL It will be perfect for future girls nights with my daughters! I love that man!

My mom and sister also helped tons! They both took turns staying with me, they brought movies, snacks, and tons of balloons! The chatting alone helped me survive!

Visitors include the Warrens, my friend Kathryn and my mom's friend Anne. All visits were great and kept me positive and distracted! Many more stopped by the house dropping off gifts and support! I appreciate it all! Thank you for everything! Can't wait to share the rest of this journey!

32 weeks

I had some good news, and some eh news this appointment.

Good news is the Dr says they'll do constant checks via US to moneter my uterus to make sure there is no stress, if not I can deliver close to Jan! I would love to get though the holidays with no worries and hopefully get a big chubby baby! LOL I don't care if she's a 9lb one! Big is good in my experience!

However, protein showed up in my urine today and I've had obsessive swelling in my hands sometimes for long hrs without going down. My blood pressure is ok, so no emergancy. But I have to check it every day in case preeclampsia strikes, then we're looking back at the beginning of Dec.

So I have no idea what to expect at this point, I'm just going to take it one day at a time. The baby is good and strong so that helps. In fact theres a kick right now!! LOL

I'm also totally cutting out soda and high salty foods, some women don't know that can actually cause the illness, so boring foods for now with the occational "fun" meal. I never really drink soda to much anyway, we never kept it in our home, and my siblings drink every once if my parents get any, so no fear!

30 weeks

This was an interesting appointment. First off Michelle needed to come with me, my mom and sister where both busy and Ben needed to work. But she was sooo perfect! She didn't fuss didn't cry didn't rebel, she sat in the waiting room reading magazines. Then went with me to the bathroom for the urine sample task, but just admired the wall tile. In the office she found a chair for her size and read a book very quietly. While the nurse took my blood pressure she got real concerned and said "Mama? You ok?" The nurse and I both reassured her everything was fine, but she still looked pretty worried. It was cute! When the Dr came in Michelle was quiet still and stayed calm and sweet all the way back to the car were she fell asleep. I thank God for such an easy kid! I'm too lucky.

Maybe not so lucky in giving birth. There has been this whole C-section mystery. I've heard many things about needing to have one every time after you have one once. Well apparently thats not the case. If the surgery took place due to long time pushing, baby heart rate dropping, preeclampsia while full term, the risks the next time are super low meaning a vaginal birth is 100% ok. You could have a choice of having another c-section, but after 2 its certain to keep going, and me wanting more kids and being young that can cause many problems later on as c-sections get more and more risky.

Unfortunately for my case I had Michelle over 2 mths early and it was my first pregnancy. So my uterus never stretched too far, it was small small. So the healing was different for me, the risk of basically an exploding uterus is high. They give you as much time as they can to ensure the healthiest baby, but that puts me at a 35 week c-section this time. Next visit in 2 weeks we'll know the for sure day I'll be scheduled.

As for the baby, she's healthy and strong. The average case would be she would be premature but will probably only need to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks. Ben and I talked and decided, Hey! We've been through this before, this time it will be a heads up and risks will be much lower. We're going to stay faithful and positive.

I'm really not worried, I love the fact that I will be a mother of 2!

Here is the medical explanation -
The classical C-section is the procedure that leaves women with a large vertical scar across their belly. The doctor makes a vertical incision and cuts through tissue, fat and muscle to reach the uterus, where he makes another a vertical incision. Doctors used this technique in the past to give more room for delivery. But they later realized that there were less complications (and a better-placed scar) if the delivery space were reduced. Today, this method is reserved for specific cases, such as an extremely premature baby. The classic C-section is the best choice in this scenario because the lower part of the uterus doesn't thin out until later in pregnancy. The upper part of the uterus is thinner, so doctors must access the baby that way. Women who have gone through a classic C-section are usually not able to deliver any future children vaginally due to a high risk of uterine rupture.

27 Weeks

My Dr apt went well for my 27 week check. Blood pressure good for both me and the baby, weight gain is steady.
I took the infamous Glucose test! It wasn't as bad as I remembered, it just tasted like generic orange Gatorade! And the woman who took my blood was amazing! I didn't feel a thing! An interesting fact about me - any act that has to do with taking my blood usually leaves me crying or passed out, so this was a better experience!
There were some students in there with us which made it a little aquard! LOL
But everything turned out great!
Now I go back every 2 weeks already! Crazy huh? Flying by!

This week I do notice some minor swelling, my nose has grown like last time, and I've gotten super sick like for the 2nd time! This time major throat swelling! But I'm getting better so whatever!

Thats all for now!

27 Weeks

6 mths

I'm sick today! No fun. My ears started getting stuffy and I think an infection followed!
Other then that I'm growing and growing! The past 2 weeks I've been able to SEE the kicks from outside the belly. I'm the only one that has seen it though, it seems she gets shy when more eyes are watching! LOL Thats different from Michelle, this one is more modest! I'm on a freaken expensive heartburn medication, one pill every 2 days keeps me heartburn free! I can eat the hottest foods and feel nothing! Only problem, it gives me terrible headaches, so now I'm up to taking 2 Tylonal in addition to the meds, which jumps up the amount of pills I take which I'm worried about, and its sad but I'd rather have the heartburn then the crazy terrible headaches I get with the meds.

Is it stupid that I had to pay $165 for the meds even after my insurance? I was in such shock when I saw the amount, I just signed no questions. I feel like the biggest idiot for not finding another option, the health-care system just makes me feel so used and dumb!

Whatever I'll fight next time, and regret it for now.

I'm loving looking for stuff for this baby, nothing too crazy just fun little stuff! (For now)

Ok well lets see, next appt is around the 20th this month and I'm taking the glucose test. I'm confident everything will be fine!

The Perfect Name

I've always been funny with names. For Michelle it was the name I called all of my baby dolls, etc. I always thought I would have a girl first and that her name would be Michelle. Scarlett was a name I always had on the "list" but that was it.
I was lucky that Ben liked the name Michelle, but I didn't want to be the type of girl that was like "Hunny? I have all our kids names picked out - First So and So next So and So and then So and So etc." I wanted to go on the journey together, see what calls out to us as a pair. (He's involved too believe it or not! LOL) When I causally brought up the name Scarlett to him, he actually really liked it! I also don't like disscussing too much openly about my options with everyone for cases like saying "I like this name and this name, and also this one" and having a bunch of opinions including many negative. Because whatever name I choose I don't really want to know that some have expressed hatered towards it! LOL But I don't keep it totally private either like those who keep the name a total secret even from their parents until after the baby is born. None of these methods of deciding are for me.

I went through the process this time, going through the baby name book, discussing meanings and different possibilities. After finding out it was a girl, we did further discussion, Scarlett kept coming back for both of us. I don't care about how common or unique a name is. I'm not the type that consistantly looks at all the types of ways kids can make fun of a name (except for obvious bad names) I figure if a kid is mean enough to make fun of your kid, there name won't be the only thing they'll look for they'll think of something! I don't worry about what other people think, I care about what Ben and I want.

This morning I woke up and just starred out the window just in deep thought, and out of all the names we liked for some reason thinking of the name Scarlett made me feel a deeper connection to this baby. For a middle name we had thought of a bunch, I liked Jacqueline (after Jackie O and with french pronunciation to flow with Clermont) I thought more about women through out history that have smarts, elegance, great fashion sense and great influence. It hit me really hard - Grace Kelly. Scarlett Grace - it felt good!
Telling Ben he immediately loved it! Every time we thought about it, we felt warm and connected!
For those of you who wonder - yes in a way like Scarlett O Hara from my favorite movie since babyhood! But not necessarily AFTER her. But sure its a given I got influence from the film. And I've always been a huge Grace Kelly fan! For Ben, whatever sounds good and feels right, he's on board!

Anyway! There is is! The story of how our new girls name came to be! We love it and are very happy! Scarlett Grace Clermont

It's A Girl!!!

Today was the anatomy ultrasound! The baby started out spine up in a ball, but quickly responded to all that pressing and moved a ton for us. Ben and my mom where with me again this time. My sister Sarita was with Michelle in the waiting room. The head looked good, heart beating strong (148), no cleft lip. Arms and legs work very well...and ITS A GIRL!!! We were all glowing, it was a different feeling this time - last time it was like "Whoa! This is the direction are life is going!" Now its like "Wow this will enhance our life!" So more just happy and enjoying the ride with much less suspense and wonder, which I like! At first I really thought I saw male parts for a sec, and in my mind I was like "Ok, lets do this! I can work with a little boy!" But then of course when I heard girl I felt this calm, I always feel like I know but this time it was more like I felt that a girl would be right, it just fit. But either was going to bless us and make our family more complete! So we're soooo happy!
The only thing is the Dr felt that the baby was very petite, I am 99% sure of the conception, so we're looking at a small baby. Healthy, but tiny - but you know we're used to that! ;)
We ended our night looking at the US pics from this baby and Michelle. It was cool to see some similarities and differences! It looks like the mouth is the biggest difference (more Ben this time)
No names picked out yet, I've always loved the name Scarlett, and we like the name London. But I haven't set a "list" or anything. I was so set on Michelle since I was a kid, and was lucky that Ben liked it too, but I wanted to enjoy looking at names together and feel a connection with it the same time instead of me just having a list since childhood and giving Ben no say! LOL But we'll keep you posted! Thank you for your thoughts and prayers during some of these stressful hiccups along the way(in our Dr visits, not the baby's LOL)

Dr Apt

At this apt, they did extra blood work, my blood pressure is 124/80 the babies heart rate is 150, everything is good! So I'm healthy and on track, the only thing is surprise surprise I may have antepartum depression. My hormones are way more out of wack then what is normal. I've freaked out about how if I'm told something the least bit upsetting, I could be up all night crying hysterically, (its embarrassing but true) It got that bad twice. I'm also so much less tolerant for things that annoy me. I hate venting over stupid little things, but now I freak out if I don't let out my feelings! I'm soooo sorry for the moodiness! I feel like a total brat on a daily basis. When I see the actual DR (she's on maternity leave) they'll talk to me about treatment if needed. But I don't think its that serious, I'll probably just be more aware of whats going on, which might help me calm down a bit! Which if anyone is confussed or lost - here's the drama with the insurance crud.
So there has been major drama this pregnancy with healthcare. Basically we waited forever to get me on Ben's insurance the day we found out, so I was a mth along. But it would take most of his check to add Shell and I, and me going back to work had the same outcome. Plus they considered pregnancy a pre-existing condition.We thought, maybe we would qualify for medicaid, in the meantime apts where self pay and at a small clinic which I hated. I kid you not working with medicaid took about 2 mths only to find we make too much. This insurance we have has a deductible, but Shell and I are covered, but guess what since I was high risk last time they won't cover a C-section or anything serious which I need a c this time also. Anyway...we had major complications with the insurance giving us a quote that included Ben and it took many calls many days to get the correct one, we made the payment, but since it was the end of the month the next week we had to pay again in order to get my cards, even though I had technically had coverage for a month. So thats the story behind that drama, and when I had my apt scheduled with my new dr, they had to keep rescheduling me since I didn't have my cards, then they told me last week that since I was past 20 weeks they couldn't keep me as a patient! Luckliy my old drs office (which my dr retired a year ago) had a new dr that said she would definetly take me, and they worked with my situation.

4-5 Months

All has been well, I'd have to say nothing has been too crazy still! I have a new Dr, she's great! Dr. Rodriguez who will deliver the baby at St.Davids Round Rock. Blood pressure is perfect!!! Everything is healthy!
These past 2 months still no being sick or anything like that. The hard things are still heartburn, and lately I've been very soar after sitting for too long. My belly feels very tight, and my back has started to hurt but Ben has the magic touch.
I'm super emotional all the time too which is hard on everyone too I'm sure...ok well I know! But its hard on me more then anything, I can randomly reach these points of depression at any given moment.

I have so much support it helps see me through, Michelle is getting more and more aware of babies and enjoying their company. We have her dolls call her "big sister" and she changes the diapers, feeds them and things like that...but this is all for pretend so I still don't know how she'll feel of a permanent baby. But we have faith that everything will work out.

I love being pregnant and am feeling so excited about doubling my love for a child, for having and extra smile with us in our bed on Saturday mornings. I'll worry about the hard stuff as it comes, and just keep the faith!!

IntelliGender

My Dr's office told me last week that there was a super long wait for the ultrasound, so they re-scheduled my appointment for this next week.
I was super bummed because I wanted to find out the gender!
Last night I bought a Parent magazine and found a section that was all about alternative ways to find out what the baby is. I was about to ignore it since most of the test I've been told are dangerous. But this one is a urine test, so I read about it online since it said the test was 85-90% accurate as soon as 10 weeks!

Here is the website to find out more info in case you want to know for yourself, or if your the type who fears I've done something totally selfish and dangerous...

http://www.intelligender.com/pages.php?pageid=5

We read up on the website for about a half and hour or so, enjoying the information including all the old wives tales myths I hate since they're all over the place, but fun yes.

So in the spirit of having fun with myths and Chinese calenders (Myths quiz say boy, Calendar says girl) Ben and I decided to give it a shot and he went to a late night Walgreens to pick one up!

We had fun seeing how "Lab like" the test was, and ten minutes later we got a very bright orange color which = girl!!!

They say to never ignore the importance of ultrasounds, so of course I'll still get one this week and have them give me their prediction. They also can be wrong too, but the odds are about the same. If both are wrong I'd probably wait again and re-do both later.

But for now that would be exciting huh? Another girl, a sister, another princess! If you think this means not so much shopping, I'd say it would be a more dangerous way of shopping, nothing I would need, all what I would want! LOL I'll keep you posted!

Fat or Pregnant?

I feel so bad for my fellow preggie moms who feel like the weight they've put on during the 9 mth stretch, makes them over-weight and un attractive.
Maybe its because I was never super thin, I won't say I was a fat teen cause I was never over weight then but I was much curvier then my less "blessed" friends.
So for me when my belly gets rounder and heavier I'm nothing but happy, people don't judge me, if they do they're freakin idiots. If you're eating bad foods that cause extra weight gain, then don't blame the pregnancy blame your over eating self.
May sound harsh, sorry, just lately I feel like all the sad comments about pregnant girls and their growing bodies being a bad thing, brings me down a little.

I do have complaints of my own, like I've broken out EVERYWHERE! Sorry TMI but its something I'm not used too, I never had bad skin, ever. After Michelle it was bad too, but now its been through the whole 4 mths so far, but I suck it up and know its not something I've done to myself and I invest in better skin stuff, and get over it.

My skin is also super dry all the time, my scalp, my arms, legs, FEET! I just need to learn to drown myself in lotion, and guess what? It helps.

I have heart burn like crazy, last night I cried and Ben had to help me sleep sitting up--ouch.

And lately I'm having huge fears about the actual labor, which last time I was just curious and calm. Now I'm in panic!

So there you go - I love how I look pregnant, its a result of nothing un-healthy. And if I feel bigger, hey! There's always cute clothes, hair and make-up! An effort can always be made ladies!

Sorry for the moody blog - I'm going to go distract myself now.

3 mths and counting!

This was taken on my birthday 3mths and 1 week

So I'm alive and very well! Only threw up once (we were in London) cause I ate late and way too fast! But I conisder myself very lucky!

They only stress has been with Dr offices (I have to change again 2nd time!) and insureance. So we're getting on a different family plan. Pray for us its been such a pain the stress from it alone makes me depressed! But Sep I'm looking forward to finding out what the baby is! That keeps me going!

Other then that I feel so so blessed that I feel this good! I thank God for it every day!

8 weeks

So, sometimes I feel sick, but food and heartburn meds seem to be the cure! I'm super greatful about that.

No pants fit me! I thought it was a myth that you grow faster the 2nd time, but the Dr says thats not the case many times. Like the night before I found out it felt like my pants where tight, and I wasn't eating more than normal. So as of yesterday I started wearing maternity pants, which actually feel amazing compared to strapping a bella band around my jeans. Its definelty different since last time I didn't need to get rid of my jeans until about the end of the 5th mth.

Other then that things have been stable! Every time I see baby stuff now, instead of panic or anticipation, I feel calm and just happy. Its not that this is not just as exciting, its just like the stress isn't there from the first one. I'm not watching the calender a billion times a day wondering if I'm that much closer. Instead, I'm just spending time watching Michelle grow and doing tons of housework which I feel numb to now.

Well thats it for now, not too exciting, but I'm super happy!

Uh oh....

Today I started feeling horrible. Not throwing up just tons of heartburn and nausea. Whats worse is I didn't get a hold of Ben all day which bothers me. I need to remind myself to not take anything out on him and separate the serious things from the little annoyances. We'll see how I do...

It Starts!

Around Midnight May 14th I took a 2nd pregnancy test that confirmed I was...well pregnant! I told Ben by asking if he wanted a birthday gift early and showed him. Two more test were taken with the same results. We wanted to wait a few days to tell anyone to make sure this time. My mom and sister where the only ones who knew.

My first appt is gonna take a while I'm going to a new OB, my last one retired. But I was given instrutions to just keep living life and not stress about anything too much. I was told how to calculate my due date Jan 16th!

So far I feel pretty good, just SOOOO TIRED!!!! Seriously if I didn't have Michelle to take care of I would be sleeping all day! I also have a little heartburn, but not too bad. All in all I'm going to stay positive and not for one moment consume myself with "what if's" and "remember last time's". This is a new pregnancy, it won't be exactly the same as the last and thats a fact.

Ben is so hoping for a boy! Me? I don't care this time, I got my beautiful girl the first time which I wanted sooo bad! Now I'm just going to sit back and enjoy the mysteries ahead!

Thanks for reading! I'll be keeping everyone informed!